happiness

I born in a quite religious family, I spent my childhood and my young hood doing all the Christian stuff, but I never feel any joy to do that...
I'm just doing all that thing because they tell me to do , I always feel empty every time i have to go to the church I feel empty when I sing all that glorious song.
I try to found the way to feel my life, make friend with lots of people, working...doing what i like, going to the club, follow some bad stuff that what young people do, I don't want to pretend of being a good girl here..because i wanna share what I've feel, but still its doesn't make the emptiness i feel go away. I still feel empty... so being a good person and religious or being bad person doesn't change anything...
And then I hear my friends say..that having a lover..a handsome one can brighten up our life..
so I try to find someone to fulfill my life, but not one of them give me what I need
Then i decide to forget what I need, I try to forget all the emptiness i feel.
Until someday I think is it maybe im in the wrong direction? should i try other religion? then I try to learn others...moslem, budha, hindu...hmmm still the same..nothing change...

Then One day when im alone...i closed my eyes and think about the Creator..the one who created me..the One who own this universe...I drowning in my own self feel the universe around me
and I feel something inside that i never feel it before... I feel happiness
I feel so release so free...
I break off all the religion bounded that have make me feel like in the prison .

Now I can enjoy what im doing, I can enjoy being with everyone ...Im enjoy my life